THE ULTIMATE HOBO BAND

For reasons that I don't recall, in high school a few friends and I played this sort of game where we'd choose famous (or not so famous) musicians to form supergroups that were tied together by some arbitrary characteristic--some particularly fun ones were The Mustache Band, The Left-Handers, and The Men Who Are Often Mistaken For Women Band (James Iha, eat your heart out). However, the one I remember most fondly was The Hobo Band, where all the members had to look like (surprise!) hobos. My musical knowledge has expanded since the original Hobo Band, so I've decided to resurrect this terribly stupid idea and create a new and improved Hobo Band 2010. If this goes well, perhaps some other theme bands will show up in the future as well.

So, without any further ado, I present Barry's Ultimate Hobo Band.


Kim Thayil (Soundgarden)
Meedly Guitar/Sludge Riffs



As far as I know, Kim Thayil was born with a giant beard and really long hair, and clearly not much has changed since. Also, being in a band in the 90's really helped with the hobo look since the fashion aesthetic was pretty much "dress like you don't give a crap," which I think Kim really took to heart. And his hoboness has only improved with time--now that his beard is gray, this guy is nothing short of hobotastic.


Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top)
Blues Licks/Fuzzy Guitar



I mean, seriously. Just look at this guy's beard. Really though, I honestly am not extremely excited about Billy's inclusion in the band because there is a guitarist I wanted to include more, but couldn't for reasons I'll explain later. As it stands, Billy is an okay member--I'm sure he'd be outclassed on the axe at every turn by Kim, but he does really really look like he should be carrying around all his possessions in a sack slung over his shoulder and jumping on train cars as they roll by, so he makes the cut.


Walter Becker (Steely Dan)
Bass/Jazz Smarm



This was also a really hard decision, but for a different reason: there are hardly any bass players that look like hobos, at least that I could find. Maybe bass players are just more inclined to being more presentable and clean shaven than other musicians? Must be the only way they can pick up on the ladies competing with guitarists, drummers, and singers. Ooo, sick burn. I don't really mean it. Besides, no matter what the reality is, I'm personally worse off than all those guys; I play keyboards. Keyboards. Yeah, that's cool. Anyway, in order for this to work we'd have to get a time-traveled Becker from the 70's, because current Becker just looks like someone's dad. I think there could be some cool interplay between Becker's jazz tendencies and Thayil's metal chops, though.


Robert Wyatt (Soft Machine)
Drums/Croons/Wyattron



This one will require even more weird temporal manipulation, since Wyatt didn't look like a hobo until later in his career, but had to stop playing drums before his hobo days due to an accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. However, I'm sure the guys in R&D will be able to work something out. Anyway, this guy is obviously pretty hobo-rific, plus he can sing something like 5 or 6 octaves, is/was a great jazz-influenced drummer, and is friends with Brian Eno and Bjork. What a guy.





Honorable Mentions

Here are some others who were up for consideration but just didn't make the cut:


Eugene Huts (Gogol Bordello)



This guy was a strong consideration, but the feeling he was giving me just wasn't quite right; he gives more of a crazed homeless guy vibe than he does hobo.


Ol' Dirty Bastard (Wu Tang Clan)



A guy who has a nickname like Dirt McGirt, who is missing a bunch of teeth, and who unapologetically proclaims on The Wu's debut album "The Ol' Dirty Bastard is dirty and stinky" seems like a perfect candidate for a hobo band member. However, it just seems to me that you can't be in a hobo band if you've ever had platinum teeth at any point in your life, hence his disqualification.


Daniel Johnston



When the choice is between this guy and Robert Wyatt, there's pretty much no questions about what the correct decision is.


Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)




The only other bassist in contention, he suffered from problems similar to Eugene Hutz. Also, a hobo with this short of hair and no beard just seems wrong to me.


Denny Dias (Steely Dan)



Oh hai, Denny. I definitely would have preferred to include Denny in the group over Billy Gibbons, but it seemed lame to me to have half the band members be from Steely Dan, and as I mentioned before, my choices were a lot more scarce in the bass department than they were for guitar. Hence Becker made the cut while poor Denny here got the...axe. Hoo hoo hoo what a good guitar pun, Barry.